Viewers vote for the true object of America’s affection.
So the show is over and the American Idol has been crowned. The only problem is that we don’t have much reason to idolize our idol. Let’s face it – Mariah, Whitney, and Celine can all lay the smackdown on Kelly Clarkson, so why should she be the apple of our nation’s eye? DeROK.com has found a solution to this problem, and has begun it’s own quest to uncover the REAL American Idol. These seven contestants have proven themselves to be worthy of America’s admiration, and will compete to see just who the most adored of them is. Joining us in our search are the three judges from the hit TV show. Let’s introduce them now.
Randy Jackson: This judge is rather easy to please, just slip him some ho-ho’s before the show, and a good review is as good as yours.
Paula Abdul: This judge is trying to pick up the pieces of her shattered career by making as many stupid comments as possible.
Simon Cowell: This judge makes you proud to be an American, because it makes you thrilled to know we whupped down on his country in every war we fought.
And now it’s time to meet our contestants:
The REAL American Idol Candidates:
Super Bowl MVP – Tom Brady
Randy Jackson: Tom is being considered because he lifted America’s spirits with his stunning Super Bowl winning drive. And because he’s a stud and every woman in New England wants him.
Paula Abdul: TOUCHDOWN!
Television Star – Mr. T
Simon Cowell: He should’ve let the cancer finish him. At least then we wouldn’t have to suffer through his career.
Randy Jackson: Ouch. I’m all about Mr. T. This man invented bling-bling.
WWE Undisputed Champion – Brock Lesnar
Paula Abdul: That Brock! If I were about five years younger…
Simon Cowell: Well it’s nice to know that you can become the American Idol by sticking a needle in your buttocks.
Movie Star – Adam Sandler
Randy Jackson: This guy keeps pumping out hit movies. Just like I keep pumping out great music when I work with stars like Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston….What? No one gives a crap who I’ve worked with?
Paula Abdul: That goat! If I were about five years younger…
Cartoon Character – Homer Simpson
Simon Cowell: Oh great! The typical American. Fat, Smelly and drunk!
Randy Jackson: You gotta stop dissing on the USA Simon! You wanna go at it right now?
Oatmeal Endorser – Wilford Brimley
Paula Abdul: Voting for Wilford Brimley is the right thing to do!
Simon: Right…Um, let me tell you this. If eating Quaker Oatmeal makes you look like this guy, get yourself a lawyer and sue the company.
And because this is America, and both genders need to be represented we added some femininity to this contest by bringing you our seventh participant….
Stars of Full House – The Olsen Twins!
Randy Jackson: Hmm…these are some fine looking women…Wait! Why are these policemen handcuffing me….They’re children? No!
Paula Abdul: These girls make me feel good about myself. I wasn’t washed up till I was 10 years older than they are.
