The 2002-03 Timberwolves season is previewed.
The End of an Era
2002-2003 NBA Preview
That’s right folks, this season DeROK is predicting the end of an era. As all other things, sports streaks must also come to an end. Just look at the Patriots. They were insanely dominant for that 12 game winning streak, but then Tara Reid sat in her seat at Qualcomm Stadium in San Diego, and the rest is history. So with each sports dynasty destined to crumble, it’s time to ask the question “Do the Lakers have something to fear?” I mean, no team has four-peated since the Celtics won eight straight in the 50’s. And there’s a lot more competition in today’s NBA than there was fifty years ago. So if the Lakers are to fall this year, who are they going to lose to? Well here are my best guesses. I’ll start out by ranking each team in every division, and go for my playoff predictions from there.
Eastern Conference:
Atlantic Division:
1. New Jersey Nets – The Champs are back and bigger than ever thanks to the trade for Mutombo.
***Despite what the media would have you think, the Wolves were better than them last season. This officially starts my reign of bitter cynicism towards the NBA for constantly giving the T-Wolves the shaft. I hate this game.
2. Boston Celtics – The team that came within a two games of the finals, had a disastrous off-season. Adding Vin Baker to your team is like…adding poop to the windshield of a Pontiac Grand Prix?…wait a minute…
3. Orlando Magic – I think Hill will stay healthy. I know that defies the laws of physics, but I think it will happen this season.
4. Washington Wizards – I’m still bitter over MJ’s return canceling my chance to see the Wolves play Philly on opening night last year. Yes, it was a year ago, but I am incredibly bitter concerning all things related to the NBA, and so my grudge remains. I vehemently rooted against the Wizards run at the playoffs last year, even though the world thought they would pull it out with MJ. This year could definitely be the year they turn it around by adding Stackhouse and Hughes. In a conference weaker than Jordan’s knees, the Wiz should still be playing in late April.
5. Philadelphia 76ers – They traded away Mutombo, and Allen Iverson has had everything to focus on except basketball this off-season.
6. Miami Heat – They are falling apart worse than Alonzo’s kidneys.
7. New York Knickerbockers – This time bomb has fully erupted and we weren’t even half-way through the pre-season. Stick a fork in them and pray for LeBron James.
Central Division:
1. New Orleans Hornets – I think this division race will be a close one. However, I have a big reason why not to pick the teams below, so by default I’m hopping on the Big Easy Bandwagon.
***I’m not too happy about giving this team the division. I hate how everyone is ranking the Hornets over the Wolves – what are they thinking? This is making me very angry —- Oh, I forgot…ALMOST as angry as everybody ranking the Wizards one spot above the Wolves. My hatred for the Wizards has just instantaneously reignited. I don’t feel like back and changing things out of spite. But I guarantee heads are going to roll in D.C. come playoff time.
2. Indiana Pacers – Reason why they aren’t at #1 – Head Coach, Isaiah Thomas – Most likely the worst coach in the NBA.
3. Detroit Pistons – Reason why they aren’t at #1 – They traded away Jerry Stackhouse, a bad, bad, move. And I’m still ticked at that judas priest Chauncy Billups…
***As this preview moves along, I am being constantly reminded how much I hate the NBA. It seems at every corner there is another way in which the Timberwolves get the shaft. It almost makes me want to quit right here….but there’s the big bombshell that I’m getting ready to drop, so I move on….
4. Toronto Raptors – Reason why they aren’t #1 – Everyone thinks Vince will come back with a vengeance – everybody but me, that is.
5. Atlanta Hawks – Acquiring the Big Dawg and sticking him at the side of Shareef Abdur-Rahim was a quality move.
6. Milwaukee Bucks – Fear not Buck fans, the Knicks have replaced you as most dysfunctional franchise.
7. Chicago Bulls – Jay Williams might get the Bulls out of the basement.
8. Cleveland Cavaliers – Lost Andre Miller. Crossing their fingers for home-town hero LeBron James.
Western Conference:
Midwest Division:
1. Dallas Mavericks – Another reason why I hate the NBA. Mark Cuban buys the Mavs and takes them from annual lottery picks to being the stinking New York Yankees of the NBA. We bust our tail for six straight years to get out of the first round, and they move on after one try. Frustration building…..
2. Minnesota Timberwolves – Surprised to see us here? Mark my words – we are not dead. We will survive. We will come in second place. KG has enough pent up frustration to last until Brandon is medically cleared, and then the team that went 30-10 will once again take the floor.
3. San Antonio Spurs – After Tim Duncan there’s not much. Tony Parker is good, but not good enough. And the Admiral is on his way out.
4. Utah Jazz – The Mailman and Stockton’s last year together will still be a good one. A quick side note – I’m so glad I’m not a Jazz fan. I couldn’t bear to watch my team just slowly die like this. They’re still doing ok, but they’re only going to get worse. Kinda like Parkinson’s disease or something. Not fun.
5. Houston Rockets – Not sold on Yao Ming here. But if Stevie Franchise’s migraines subside, this team will definitely improve from last season.
6. Memphis Grizzlies – The acquisition of Jerry West at GM is a sure bet to improve this team eventually. The key word being eventually, as in not now.
7. Denver Nuggets – Here’s my prediction. Everyone is talking about either the Knicks or the Cavs getting LeBron James in the draft. I’m picking the Nuggets. Not that this would really help my cause since they’rest to disappoint all those a in the same division as the Wolves. But junalysts who keep dogging my team, I’m picking the Nuggets to get him. Have fun writing about that, you jerks.
***Another reason I hate the NBA. It is fixed. Don’t tell me it’s not. There are just too many snow jobs going on. In recent news we have the Kings/Lakers series. The whole Patrick Ewing “frozen envelope” draft scandal and the likes. Actual chances of Denver scoring James – 0% – even though they’ll have a load of ping pong balls. Think about it. The constant bottom feeders – Nuggets, Clippers, Warriors, Grizzlies, Cavaliers, Hawks – The never, ever get the #1 pick. Almost without fail (there was the Clips getting Olawakandi at #1) these teams fail to land the first pick. And a market like Houston, or Chicago, or Washington, whom the NBA would like to build up walks away with the top pick. Think of the percentages here – it goes against all statistical odds. How many years were the Clippers awful, I mean awful – 1 first pick? And the other five teams have never got it in at least the last five plus years. Golden State got Joe Smith in ’95 that’s about it. It simply makes no sense. Coincidence the year MJ returns, the Wiz get first dibs? Not a chance. The one year the Spurs are bad, they get Duncan to be heir to Robinson – puuuleeeze. I will eat my dusty 11 year old Timberwolves hat if LeBron isn’t playing in New York or maybe, maybe Cleveland only cause that franchise is in desperate need and it would be a good story. Watch this and see if I’m not right. I hate the NBA.
Pacific Division
1. Los Angeles Lakers – Would’ve given it to the Kings cause the Big Aristole’s toe is messed up, but then Mike Bibby needs to go and destroy his foot. The Champions will have home court advantage throughout the post-season
***Mind blowing thought just crossed entered my head. I had never really thought about this until now. I’d add it to the above rambling cause that’s what it pertains to, but it might get lost in that obscenely long venting. The Wolves started in 1989 and didn’t make the playoffs until 1996. That’s seven lottery pick years. Not any seven lottery pick years mind you, but seven never-finished-better-than-third-to-last lottery pick years. We got in the top three ONCE! ONCE! Do you understand the mathematical laws that this breaks? We got Christian Laettner with the third pick in ’92. That’s it. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? We have been discriminated against since day one. The fact that we got Garnett was an absolute fluke of flukes, and even that was the #5 pick. I was too young to realize how we were getting robbed, but now at age 20 I realize the depths to which the conspiracy against the Timberwolves reached. I am truly sickened…
2. Sacramento Kings – Could this be the year that the Kings make the jump and end the era of the Lakers? Read on… By the way, nice move picking up Keon Clark, you bums.
3. Portland Trail Blazers – Amidst the chaos and confusion of the ganstas on this team will be a decent season for the fans in Portland. If only the players were more concerned about smoking defenders instead of the chiba, they could be contenders.
4. Los Angeles Clippers – The young team of promise will get its first playoff appearance. Just in time before the team breaks up cause the owner is too cheap to pay the guys.
5. Seattle SuperSonics – Gary Payton is already angry – not a good sign.
6. Phoenix Suns – They just don’t have the healthy players it takes to go far.
***Marbury, come home. We can forget the last five years and go back to the way we were. It would be beautiful. It would be like in an RPG when the hero’s best friend betrays him to the main bad guy, and then at the last second goes back to the good side and stops the villian from killing the hero, dying in the process. Well it would be like that, except you wouldn’t have to die. Sound good to you? It does to me. These are the things I dream about. But it will never happen. This is why I hate the NBA.
7. And finally – the Golden State Warriors – The only thing I’m looking forward to from this team is the bench clearing brawl when Marc Jackson gets revenge on his former team. On second thought, this would probably result in massive suspensions for my players, resulting in a few extra losses. See, even the fun gets taken out of massive battle royals. Once again, I hate the NBA.
PLAYOFFS:
Eastern Conference Seeding:
1. Nets
2. Hornets
3. Pacers
4. Celtics
5. Pistons
6. Magic
7. Wizards
8. Raptors
Western Conference Seeding:
1. Lakers
2. Mavericks
3. Kings
4. Timberwolves
5. Spurs
6. Trail Blazers
7. Clippers
8. Jazz
Eastern Conference Results:
First Round:
Nets over Raptors
Hornets over Wizards – So instead of saying goodbye to Michael Jordan as he hits the last shot to win his sixth NBA championship, we’ll say goodbye to him as he sits on the bench icing his knees watching Baron Davis wipe the floor with Kwame Brown. That my friends is what you get when you take away an opening night game from me! Who’s one spot higher than the Timberwolves now? Did they teach you THAT in the CIA?
Pacers over Magic
Pistons over Celtics
Conference Semi’s:
Nets over Pistons
Hornets over Pacers
Conference Finals:
Nets over Pistons – Jason Kidd and Co. take another June trip to……all I’ll say is it’s still California….
AND NOW THE END OF AN ERA…
Western Conference Results:
First Round:
Lakers over Jazz
Mavericks over Clippers
Kings over Trail Blazers
Timberwolves over Spurs
Conference Semi’s:
Lakers over Timberwolves
Kings over Mavericks
Conference Finals:
Lakers over Kings
So how about that. I told you it would be the end of an era. No, not the Lakers you fool, the Timberwolves! I’m picking them to get out of the first round for the first time ever! Finally, after what will be be my twelfth season rooting for the Wolves, I will get to taste playoff victory. How sweet it will be…
In other news:
NBA Finals
Lakers four-peat by sweeping the Nets…again.
This will definitely kill the TV ratings for the playoffs – hurting the NBA, which has hurt me so often. But I’m not bitter or anything like that….
