Emotions run high when Jack and Audrey Raines are reunited.
The Following Takes Place Between 10:00 PM and 11:00 PM:
10:02 PM – “Five minutes to impact, Mr. President.”
10:04 PM – “Four minutes to impact, Mr. President.” Huh?
10:05 PM – “Two minutes to impact, sir.” Wait a minute…
10:06 PM – After the Arab government gives up a high ranking general who’s been in cahoots with Fayed, President Palmer calls off the strike.
I will say it again – LAME!
10:06 PM – The President reveals that he never intended to unleash a nuclear strike and that he had a dud fired to trick the Arab government into cooperating. Actually, not so lame.
10:08 PM – Jack Bauer punches Fayed in the babymaker! I kid you not.
10:09 PM – Doyle attempts to strong-arm Fayed into giving up the location of the suitcase nukes.
At this point, it’s clear that the actor playing Doyle is running away with the title for worst actor in the history of 24. Believe me, this is a monumental accomplishment.
10:10 PM – Jack Bauer just cracked a smile.
That definitely deserves it’s own entry.
10:10 PM – And he did it while telling Fayed, “Now we’re gonna have some fun.” I can’t even begin to imagine the world of hurt Fayed is going to experience. My mind just can’t comprehend it!
10:17 PM – The vehicle transporting Fayed is rammed and flipped. A group of terrorists leap out of their truck and start a fire fight. Jack downs two of them before taking a bullet in the chest! And no, I’m not the least bit worried about him.
Jack Bauer’s Daily Kill Count: 13
10:18 PM – After the terrorists speed away, Jack, Doyle, and the supposedly killed terrorists all get up off the pavement. Apparently, this whole thing was a ruse to make Fayed think he had been rescued.
Jack Bauer’s Daily Kill Count: 11 Sorry, Jack.
10:20 PM – Fayed’s not buying it. Before he will the location of the nukes and his team, he demands to speak to the general. The very same general that was turned over thanks to President Palmer’s fake nuke scheme. How very convenient…
10:29 PM – After Nadia expresses concern about Doyle’s well-being, Milo gets angry and starts to give her the cold shoulder. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that this is just riveting television right here.
10:32 PM – President Palmer pulled some strings and forced the general to call Fayed and tell him that he sent the rescue team. Fayed appears to buy it. But if you know 24, you also know that the guy who plays Doyle has a better chance of walking away with an Emmy, than this plan does of actually working out.
10:33 PM – President Palmer, who’s appeared shaky all episode, collapses. Yes! We may get to experience the Noah Daniels administration after all!
10:38 PM – Nadia informs Jack that the general tipped Fayed by making reference to a man that had died two years ago. Jack immediately tries to warn the other team, but his video feed breaks up. By the time he catches up to the van, everyone inside is dead and Fayed is nowhere to be found.
What did I tell you, people? Not even Miss Cleo is this dead on!
10:42 PM – Jack manages to catch-up to Fayed and he watches him board a truck. As it drives off, we see Jack hanging onto the truck’s underside. Apparently, he believes he can hold on like that for miles…
I’m pretty sure if he pulls this off, it still won’t rank in the Top 10 of the most unbelievable things that Jack Bauer has done today.
10:51 PM – Jack Bauer manages to hang on for the entire ride. As Fayed walks with his men into an abandoned warehouse, Jack sneaks up on the lookout and snaps his neck. He then sneaks into the warehouse and picks off all of Fayed’s men.
10:54 PM – Jack Bauer gives Fayed the Saddam treatment.
That’s right. I said it.
10:55 PM – Doyle shows up, which is pretty weird considering that Jack never made a clear call to CTU describing the situation with the truck. I’m starting to get suspicious…
10:55 PM – Doyle hands Jack a phone.
At this point, I’m starting to get excited. Maybe the reason we’ve been subjected to Doyle and his awful acting is because he’s actually involved in a master plan by Jack’s father or some other evil mastermind to regain control of the nukes and unleash them for some devious purpose. It makes some sense! His unexpected arrival, his interest in covering up Milo’s mistake… Just thinking about this unexpected twist and the potential of Doyle spewing horrible cliché-ed out bad guy lines as he has Jack Bauer in his clutches brings a huge smile to my face!
10:55 PM – Nope. It’s Audrey. The Chinese government has her in their custody and are threatening to kill her if Jack doesn’t do exactly what they want.
You know what, since I’m always talking about how good I am at predicting things, I’ll give you a shot to call how I feel about this development.
I’ll give you a clue: It begins with an “L”, and it ends with “ame”.
Jack Bauer’s Daily Kill Count: 19
The Following Takes Place Between 11:00 PM and 12:00 AM:
11:02 PM – Doyle stumbles through a monologue where he thanks Jack for all his help. There’s no way this guy actually beat out people in auditions for this part. He’s got to be the producers cousin or something.
11:07 PM – Karen Hayes informs the President and Tom Lennox that Fayed has been killed and the nukes have been recovered. They act like they’ve just been told that Burger King is brining back the $1 Whopper deal.
They just helped save hundreds of thousands of lives, this has to be one of, if not their greatest, life’s accomplishments. Yet all they can manage is a smirk? Why isn’t President Palmer leaping up on his desk, pounding his chest, and yelling “That’s right! Not in MY house!” Where the passion? And you wonder why people care more about the outcome of the Knicks game than the Presidential election.
11:18 PM – Earlier, Jack convinced Chloe to download some specs on the nukes so he could figure out which piece he needed to give to the Chinese to save Audrey. Morris finds out and threatens to turn in Jack if Chloe doesn’t do it herself.
What a ninny! Like Jack Bauer doesn’t know what he’s doing? When will this man earn some trust? When he saves the world for the nineteenth time?
11:22 PM – Jack extracts the piece from the nuke, only to be ambushed by Doyle. Man, this is like Michael Jordan losing a game of horse to Frankie Muniz!
11:31 PM – Jack convinces Bill Buchanan to put him on the phone with the President. Jack finally convinces Palmer to allow him to save Audrey by promising to commit suicide with a C4 explosive before he hands the nuke piece over to the Chinese.
Look, I know that this show bends time and all reality in general, but this would never, EVER, happen in real life.
11:39 PM – Doyle berates Jack for putting the life of Audrey above national security. You know, he’s had a lot to say about the Milo/Nadia relationship as well. I’m starting to get the feeling that somebody was stood up at the altar…
11:43 PM – Wow. President Palmer’s address to the nation regarding the day’s events was actually pretty good. Maybe the country actually is in good hands…
11:44 PM – Down goes Palmer! Down goes Palmer! Looks like that cerebral edema caught up to him after all.
11:52 PM – Vice President Daniels assumes control of the Oval Office. And his first act as Commander in Chief is to stop Jack’s mission to save Audrey.
I know that they’re making him out to be the bad guy, but in reality, that was probably a good call on Daniels’ part.
11:53 PM – We’re treated to yet another phone call between Bill Buchanan and Karen Hayes.
When they release the Season 6 DVD, I really hope they include “The Best of Bill and Karen’s Phone Calls” in the extras. That would truly be a riveting half hour.
11:56 PM – Realizing the tables have turned, Jack pulls a gun on Doyle and leaves him stranded on an abandoned stretch of road.
In the words of The Simpsons’ Nelson, “Ah-ha!”
Jack Bauer’s Daily Kill Count: 19
The Following Takes Place Between 12:00 AM and 1:00 AM:
12:02 AM – Doyle runs out onto the highway and attempts to take over a vehicle to pursue Jack. About five cars have to swerve out of control to avoid him before one finally stops.
It’s a shame that nobody hit him. Not only would that have been the funniest moment in 24 history, but it would’ve spared us from his acting for the next six hours.
12:13 AM – Acting-President Daniels tries to get busy with the chick from Invasion in the Oval Office.
I think we’re seeing the set-up for Season 7 unfold before our eyes. Jack Bauer, who has been imprisoned for stealing the nuclear component, receives a Presidential pardon. His mission: Retrieve the infamous blue dress!
12:17 AM – Chloe and Morris continue their bickering… snooze…
12:38 AM – A long, drawn-out over-dramaticized phone call between Karen Hayes and Bill Buchanan, where Karen tells Bill that she needs to fire him to keep the media from attacking the President.
This is by far the most riveting moment of the episode and we’re a solid 2/3 of the way through. Am I watching 24, right?
12:43 AM – Bill is lead away from CTU by security guards, setting up the inevitable Season 7 moment when Jack seeks help from a jaded, alcoholic, Buchanan, who’s sitting on the coach in a stained undershirt watching “The View”.
12:50 AM – Audrey enters the room for the exchange between Jack and Cheng looking like Cousin It from The Addams Family. Man, those Chinese prisons have to be awful!
12:52 AM – Doyle, who managed to track Jack to the exchange site, opens fire and ruins the entire plan. Man, I never saw this coming! I was certain that the writers were going to have Jack blow himself up with C4!
12:53 AM – Oh, I guess they opted for Jack to die from being shot instead.
12:53 AM – Not only did the Chinese manage to pull a pack of Hummers out of thin air to escape in, they also conjured up a bazooka to shoot down the pursuit chopper with!
Sorry. I’m getting way too sarcastic here at the end. Who doesn’t carry around a bazooka, you know, just in case…
12:54 AM – Karen Hayes looks at a picture of her and Bill. They’re hugging, with huge smiles on their freshly tanned faces, while wearing lei’s and matching white outfits against a white backdrop.
Where do I even begin on this one?
12:54 AM – Jack Bauer gets up from the ground with no explanation as to how he managed to survive the bullet and pops two of Cheng’s henchmen.
12:55 AM – Doyle handcuffs Jack. As he’s being led away he notices that Audrey has a crazed look in her eye and is babbling incoherently.
They really have run out of ideas, haven’t they?
Jack Bauer’s Daily Kill Count: 21
The Following Takes Place Between 1:00 AM and 2:00 AM:
1:03 AM – Doyle tries to talk to Audrey, but she just keeps saying “Help me, Jack. Please don’t let them do this to me.”
How did we get from a nuclear bomb in Valencia to here?
1:08 AM – The VP’s floozy enters her apartment and is greeted with a kiss by another man.
You just knew we were in for some scandal when the writers had her conveniently leaving the White House to pick up some clothes. I was personally hoping that she was part of a show cross-over and was preparing the way for an alien invasion. Everyone says that Season 6 is getting stale. What better way to kick off Season 7 than to have Jack take down some Martians?
1:11 AM – A teleconference between Vice President Daniels and the Russian President: Brought to you by, CISCO.
You know for all the advertising that company does, I have absolutely no clue what they do. Do they sell anything? Are they a service provider? You would think they would tell us this sort of information.
1:17 – Chloe and Morris have a heart to heart.
What is with all the high school drama going on in CTU today? Are the writers trying to fill the void left by The OC? If they are, it’s not working. This may be stating the obvious, but Chloe O’Brien is no Rachel Bilson.
1:21 AM – Jack to Doyle: “You gotta let me talk to her! You know how they interrogate people here. They’re only going to push her further inside of herself!”
Once again, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome: Dr. Jack Bauer!
1:30 AM – After discovering that the chick from Invasion is cheating on him with the man who is leaking information to the Russians, Vice President Daniels gets all tender and weepy.
At this point, it’s a near guarantee that 96% of the women watching the show are going “Awww…”, completely forgetting that this man tried to start WWIII less than six hours ago.
1:32 AM – Doyle sets Jack free so he can talk to Audrey. Jack puts him in a sleeper hold to make it look like he escaped on his own.
I was personally hoping the Daily Kill Count would jump to 22.
1:43 AM – “NO, YOU PUT DOWN YOUR WEAPON! GET HIM OUT OF HERE!”
We haven’t had a good Jack Bauer scream in quite a while. Too bad this one occurred while Jack was trying to keep his insane girlfriend safe from a power-hungry psychiatrist. If you told me we would be here twelve hours ago, even two and a half hours ago, I simply wouldn’t have believed you.
1:52 AM – Vice President Daniels confronts the chick from Invasion.
So far today we’ve had romantic developments/arguments between Bill Buchanan and Karen Hayes, Chloe and Morris, President Palmer’s sister and that Muslim guy, Milo and Nadia, Doyle and Nadia, Graem and Marilyn, Jack and Marilyn, Jack and Audrey, and finally Vice President Daniels and his woman.
I could pause here to make some crack like “Should we change the name of the show to ’24 Hour Days of Our Lives’ ?”, but I’d rather mention that this argument is the only one so far that has come off the least bit realistic. Isn’t it amazing what real actors can do?
1:55 AM – Secretary Heller makes an appearance to tell Jack that he’s cursed and everybody he touches ends up dead. He warns him to stay away from his daughter!
Ooooooooh! Now there’s a cliffhanger!
Commercial Break – Fox News tries to get us to tune in with the promo: 24 coming to New York? Why Jack Bauer may be fighting terrorism here next season!
I really really hope that this isn’t the producers big idea to “mix-up” 24 in the wake of this stale season. How is changing the season going to fix things? If this season took place in Boise, Idaho would it be any better or worse? I don’t think so.
Jack Bauer’s Daily Kill Count: 21
