Survivor: Exile Island – Episode 5

Survivor Panama: Exile Island Blog
Episode 5 Elimination: Bobby

Ok, what’s up with the opening credits this season?  One week they’re here, the next, they’re gone.  Can we get a little consistency going here?  At least Bobby’s grandfather and brother provided the first-ever non-lame Febreze Survivor family moment.  Seeing that pimped-out old man brought a huge smile to my face, and the two of them actually said something cool for a change.

I didn’t really have a pre-show pick to be eliminated this time. Going into the episode, I knew Sally’s head was on the chopping block, and TiVo’s caption for the episode mentioned that

two people were going to consume the tribe’s reward without permission.  I knew this undoubtedly meant that Casaya would win reward, because La Mina didn’t have two people dumb enough to something like that.  My initial guesses were Bobby and Danielle since they seemed to be the most lazy and inconsiderate.  I was half right.  And let’s just say that there wasn’t a doubt in my mind that Bobby was involved.

Episode 5 was fairly uncontroversial.  The only real explosion happened between Dumb Aras and Bruce.  Bruce decided he needed to build a Zen rock garden for some reason, and Aras wanted him to help with the fire.  Needless to say, it ended with Aras screaming like a little girl at Bruce.  Even though he was right about the priorities of fire over a rock garden, I still wished that Mr. Miyagi would have karate kicked right in the face.  I have complete disdain for Aras.  He’s trying to play the nice guy card, which means he’s being completely fake with everybody, he’s dumb as bricks, and he’s a wuss.  You can just tell he’s a wuss.  I don’t like him.  Not one bit.  Nada.

So for the reward challenge, the teams have to swim out to collect rice, beans, and fish, and bring them back to shore by tossing them in a bucket brigade fashion. And before the fish are put in their container, their head and tail needs to be chopped off.  The winners get to keep it all, and the losers can get either the rice or the beans.  Well La Mina jumped out to a gigantic lead, thanks to Bruce’s amazing inability to chop the head off the first fish.  So I’m sitting there thinking, “Wait, Casaya has to win this reward.  The people on La Mina just aren’t dumb enough to eat the tribe’s food without permission.”  I couldn’t figure it out. But then Bobby switches with Bruce and starts chopping up the fish like a mad-man, and Dan fails time and time again to throw his fish to Sally properly.  And sure enough, Casaya caught up and won the reward.  I just knew they were going to win it.

So Casaya sends Terry to Exile Island again, further proving how dumb they are, by giving the best player another shot at immunity.  The rest of La Mina goes back and cooks their beans, which makes Austin and Nick’s bowels explode all night.  Seriously, we’re five episodes in and between Bobby’s monster dump and Austin and Nick’s sickness, there’s been more poop in Panama than all the other past seasons of Survivor combined.

Casaya goes back and finds their camp flooded, making sleeping room hard to come by.  So at night, when Bobby and Bruce can’t find a place to rest their heads, they head off to the bathroom to sleep.  Bobby, predictably brings the last bottle of wine in there as well, and the two of them proceed to polish it off.  Let’s just say the tribe isn’t happy in the morning.  Especially the fire dancer, who, unsurprisingly, seems to like her alcohol.

Remember, the immunity challenge is do or die time for Sally.  And considering that Terry’s been on Exile Island, and Austin and Nick have had it coming out both ends all evening, I’m not liking my chances.  However, La Mina just came out and crushed Casaya, keeping Sally safe for at least three more days.

Back at camp, the axis of idiots are deciding who to vote out.  Shane wants Bobby, because he doesn’t trust him to stay loyal at the merge. And actually, I will credit Shane for being smart enough to realize that, even though it’s blatantly obvious that Bobby hates his tribe.  Dumb Aras is still holding his school-girl grudge with Bruce and wants him to go.  And because the other three people in his alliance are dumb enough to listen, they all agree to send Mr. Miyagi packing.

Notice that Cirie, who was told she was the next to go, was never even brought up.  You gotta give the girl credit.

So Shane proceeds to swear to Bobby on his son that he won’t him out as long has he promises to stay loyal to the team.  This causes a problem, then an hour later, Danielle and Courtney realize that Aras is an idiot and that Bobby will slit their throats at the first opportunity and want him gone.  You gotta love how dumb the Casayans really are.  They’re all swearing on Shane’s son’s life that they won’t vote each other out, without really stopping to think about the strategy.  In the end, they’ve all sworn to so many people that they can’t get the numbers to vote anyone out.  Only this band of morons could have the numbers and not be able to use them.  By next episode, Shane will have probably sworn on his son’s life to every member of Casaya, causing a complete mental breakdown at tribal council when he can’t write anyone’s name down.  Seeing as the previews warned us of a tribal council like never before, I think this is a pretty safe bet.

Now onto my winner predictions…

Cirie:  She’s flying way under the radar.  The fact that nobody on her team realized that Bobby was 1000 times more valuable in challenges is either a credit to her strategy, or just another example of how dumb Casaya really is.

Last Week’s Chances: 18:1  This Week:  12:1

Austin:  The man is dumb, but he’s growing on me.  He’s strong enough to hold his own, but not intimidating enough to be a threat.

Last Week’s Chances: 5:1  This Week: 4:1

Nick: I still question if he’s mentally tough enough to play the game.  Plus he almost seems a little too nice, which will really have people gunning for him.

Last Week’s Chances: 6:1 This Week: 6:1

Bruce:  He is not the wise old man I thought him to be.  Therefore, he will no longer be referred to as Mr. Miyagi, as he doesn’t deserve to be associated with the great Pat Morita.  He is, in fact, quite stupid.  I give him no chance of winning this game, and he will not appear in the predictions section any longer.

Last Week’s Chances: 8:1  This Week’s Chances: 0:1

Terry:  La Mina looks like they can get the numbers back, and his immunity idol can really tip the scales in his favor.  However, it does appear that a switching of the tribes could occur next week, and “a tribal council like never before” could mean that he’s forced to give it up way to early.

Last Week’s Chances for Terry: 2:1   This Week’s Chances:  2:1

Dan: He just doesn’t have it physically. He’s already cost the team a reward challenge and an immunity challenge. Hopefully La Mina will realize this and Sally won’t be the next one to go. 

Last Week’s Chances for Dan: 9:1  This Week’s Chances: 11:1

And as for my pony on Survivor Panama: Exile Island, Sally: She survived again this week.  If she can just get Nick and Austin to turn, she could be gold.  If it comes down to the final five, would the two of them rather go against Sally in the final three, or Terry and Dan in the final four? 

Last Week’s Chances:  30:1  This Week’s Chances: 20:1